the flipside.

Friends,
I am terribly sorry it has been a while. I so enjoyed the week off, studying a lot, going to bed earlier, waking up early, finishing my paper and my exam and my reading( glad all that's finished), that I made it into two weeks off…Last week, I was busy times busy mainly because our so-close-as-to-be-family friend, Woody, came to hang out with us for a week, so I was busy gallivanting and catching up with him. He left yesterday. Tonight for date night, we did face masks, so if I ever figure out how to put photos on my blog (anyone know?), I have some funny ones.
In other news, I don’t know what to do with blogging now. It takes time to do it- and I’m busy and trying to go to bed earlier, but I like getting to keep up with 5-7 of you and record my day. I will never be a super-blogger like my sister because I don’t think that I really like it that much (I mean I like it sort of, but not as much as her--oh and by that I mean, I don't like like blogging as much as she does, but also I don't like blogging as much as i like her). I could just have a normal blog where I get on once a week and pontificate (I do like to pontificate), but I sorta like the daily log thing…I don’t know. For now, ‘tis enough to say that it has been a super busy 2 weeks & we love Woody. Maybe when I get the time I’ll show you some of what I wrote on…it’s about Christian Pacifism.

treading water

Now that I’ve blogged for a month plus, I’m going to take the week off because 1.) This week I have a paper due, an exam, and approximately 700 pages that I sort of need to read, so I could use one less thing to do. 2.) I could use time to decide what I want to do with the blog--- whether to continue blogging or not and/or change the format or not.
Anyway, today I met with a professor, hung out with J’s friend Kendall, who I respect and enjoy and am thankful that I married into her friendship, and researched at Harvard. If you are the praying-sort, pray for me this week, and I’ll catch ya on the flip side.

running on empty

Our Sabbaths are typically very restful. And today it was very good and fun, don’t get me wrong, but we have guests—our roommate’s parents (and out roommate doesn’t get in until tomorrow!) and J’s best friend from college, Kendall. We woke up to a wake-up call from our pastor. Husband currently teaches an adult-ed class, and our pastor was afraid he’d miss it b/c we’d forget the time change, and he would have been correct. So after being awakened unusually early, I couldn’t fall back asleep. After church, we spent the day walking all over Cambridge and the north-end (and ate out which we don’t usually do on Sundays). This week promises no rest with big papers/test due. I feel happy to see a friend, but sad to start another week so worn-out. I can’t keep going like this.

Today I wanted to see the ocean...and I got to. Now I want to see my pillow.

I accomplished zero studying all day which is a shame because I wanted to work a lot. But I had made plans to see Becky, so I drove to her house, stressed and worried about the test and papers that are due soon and really sad about the struggles of a friend of mine. But the time with Becky was a blessing and felt like God helping me on a hectic, somewhat sad day. We walked along the breathtaking Northern Atlantic enjoying the slightly warmer (45 degrees) and sunny weather. Hot tea and the ocean with Becky is a treat. Then, I talked to Katie and cleaned. Again, exhausted. Why am I so tired lately?

settling my brain for a long winter's...

I’m utterly exhausted. I went to bed late last night. Then, woke up at 5:45am to walk to Harvard square by 6:30. Later, J & I hung out with our pastor who complicated things by telling us that though he supports our leaving that he’d love for us to stay and keep working for the church and that he’d figure out a way that we can essentially get a raise. This was both flattering and confusing. But mostly flattering. But also confusing. We love our life, friends, church, work and neighborhood here, but I miss family terribly. Anyway, I took a shower, then read, and ate dinner with Rob. Now I’m nigh passing out tired.

tired and inspired

I went to class for 7+ hours today and finished a paper. In class tonight, we watched a documentary on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was fascinating and courageous and heroic. I think I may write a paper on him. Maybe I’ll share more about him later. I think I need a bit more order in my life, so I’m going to try to go to sleep earlier….starting now.

tonight, my life reminded me of a sit-com

Friends stopped by who live less than a five minute walk from us. Then, I walked to the grocery store and bumped into a guy who I volunteer with on Tuesday nights. Then, I dropped off a book to some friends who were at Bukowski’s (one minute walk from my house). At Bukowski’s I saw two guys who I know from the coffee shop next door to my house. Then on my way home, I ran into Seamus, who works at the bar next door to me. After J got home, we went to Bukowski’s to meet our friends, and ran into our neighbor who came to have a drink with us. It’s like a little town here…a really cool little town. I love walking everywhere and recognizing so many people. I love the mixed-use buildings, and how close our friends are. I love that the bar next door has a special mystery drink that isn’t on the menu and they make just for me. I feel like such a part of the community. I will miss it so much when we go.

Dancing is made up of little steps.

So I'm experimenting with no word limit....I'm not sure I like the lack of word limit but anyway....here ya go:

My lovely sister wrote about my blog, and it got me thinking, so I thought I’d talk a bit more of how this “what you do with your day is what you do with your life” thing has come to be important to me (and because my month is up, this will be longer than usual, because I don’t have time to make it shorter). I, like my sister, am a dreamer. I constantly scheme plans, make up scenarios for the future, and like her, make up non-existent children’s names. (I have like 7 picked out and don’t want 7 kids so not sure how that will work out). But sometimes I get overwhelmed by my current seeming aimlessness and freak out (like I did this weekend) and realize I don’t know what to “do with my life.” And I want God to give me the 20 year plan or hey, I’ll settle for the 2 year plan. But really, we don’t figure out what to with “with our life”- We can only figure out what to do with our day. We have today, and we can only live in today…we can only follow God in today. And that is very freeing because it means I just take the next baby step and don’t worry about tomorrow. Much less, worry about this big scary thing out there called “my life.”
The other thing I noticed several years ago is that I dream all these grandiose things for how I want to live my life. So I think about how I want my life to be spent on loving friends well, spending time with people I love, praying, seeking God, eradicating poverty, taking time to notice beauty, worshipping, laughing, slowing down, learning, contributing, living in truth, not stressing…et. al. But none of this actually translated into real life because I spent my days doing well, um, not that. Doing nothing or wasting time or spending time rather selfishly or foolishly or just being stressed out. So I realized (and now I always remind myself) that I don’t need to think about what “my life will look like,” but need to live well today because what I spend my days on is actually what I spend life on. (In other words don’t expect my life to help eradicate poverty if day-to-day I sit on my ass watching Seinfeld dreaming about someday volunteering…. This makes me a bit more honest with myself about how I’m actually living life because life, I’m reminded, does not reside in my imagination.) My life is not made of dreams. It’s made of days. And so I want to live in today. And struggle today. And enjoy today. And seek God and enjoy God today. And love people today. And follow Jesus today. And hopefully laugh some today. And cuddle with my husband today. And learn something today. And teach something today. And help (in my teeny way) to alleviate the suffering caused by poverty and homelessness and injustice today. And serve the church today. And maybe even cry today. And repent today. And believe today. And if I do that for enough days, then, life, lo and behold, has been lived. (But as you can see from the last month, I'm still working on spending my days in ways that I'd like to spend life...)

Grateful

I’m writing early because I’m going out for date night to Spice and Rice and want to go to sleep earlier. Studying next door in the coffee shop earlier I had a beautiful moment. I sat with my yummy vanilla steamer with cinnamon at the best window seat in the house staring at the streets and row houses and fire station. "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" was playing. Astonishingly, the sun was beaming and it started snowing pretty hard at the same time. I’ve seen it rain while the sun shined, but never snow. The sun made the falling snow sparkle and look alive and mysterious and beautiful. I just stared until the snow slowed.

I think maybe that I am...because I feel crazy...azy...azy

I’m physically addicted to Sunday down-time. After church, Brett and Amy came over and surprised us with Arrested Development (season 3), which we all watched for hours before having dinner with some other friends. Now, I feel nervous and don’t know why. Isn’t that weird? Where does phantom nervousness come from? Or nervous energy? Does anyone else ever feel fear (or anxiety) without a referent? It very rarely happens to me, but every so often, like now, I have mysterious nervous energy. I didn’t rest as well as I normally do on Sunday, which may make me a bit looney. No quiet. No time to think. Fun, but busy and now I feel off.

One Month Birthday- O-Puh-lease....

Today, I reached my goal---blogging everyday about the day’s activities for a month. Now, I’ve some decisions to make. I could: 1. Keep going just the same. 2. Stop blogging all together. 3. Keep blogging but remove the word limit. 4. Keep blogging with the limit but not everyday. 5. Blog about whatever, whenever, for however long. 6. Get rid of the internet in my life all together a la Wendell Berry (the most radical, but sounds slightly luxurious. Ahhhhhhhhh, No email.) I’m not sure what I want to do yet. I’ll think on it. A big thanks to my five beloved readers for a month of reading and/or comments. More about decisions coming soon….

chicken soup anyone?

I’ve been feeling a cold starting for several days and when I woke up- Whammo-my head was all stuffed up. I was coughing and I felt awful. I did this to myself. I haven’t been taking care of myself lately—not eating well or sleeping enough. Physically, I’m not terribly hearty and if I don’t care for myself, it always catches up with me. Dr. Husband ordered that I do no work and stay in bed. I’m pretty lazy, but today it was actually hard for me—I got bored and had all this weird nervous energy. But on top of the bad cold, I got a migraine, so I slept and whined and convalesced all day.

A laughter filled moment...I'd tell you more if it weren't for my damn word limits.

I love our roommate. We had a long, funny conversation about rockabilly & pompadours. Excerpt:
Roommate: I’m thinking of getting a pompadour.
Me: No. You can’t get a pompadour.
R: Why not?
M: You’ll have to change your clothes, the shows you go to, and stop hanging out with us and hang out with pompadour people …(Later)
It’s just like when Seinfeld almost had an orgy.
R: Yeah, he’d have to have orgy friends.
M: It’d be a pompadourgy.
R: Why would I have to have new clothes?
M: Because a pompadour says “I’m trying to be hip” and your clothes say, “I’m just this guy that wears clothes because they are required by society.”