hospitality that's real

This is a response to my sister's monday blogpost

I know this response is way too long, but I just had this experience and wanted to share....sorry I'm not into the whole brevity thing. i'm the same as you. I LOVE having people over and hospitality, but I'm not a good enough cook to do it without stress and I feel pressure for things to go well. Here are some things that have helped me:
1. Have a back up plan--before i cook i say to the husband, "all right what is the plan if everything taste horrible and doesn't work out?" Usually, it is indian food take out....We almost never use the back up plan, but I'm more relaxed knowing that we have one.
2. The pressure is to make it nice and fancy. But I need to get used to people coming over for things that are really really easy...at first i was embarrassed about having folks over for spaghetti and sloppy jo's but then i realized, i'm going to have way fewer folks over if i have to make it nice all the time. so i keep it real and keep it really simple. people aren't coming over for the food...there coming over for the company.
3. if you want to try something new (and by new I mean anything that you haven't made 7,000 times and can make in your sleep), limit it to like 1 new thing, not 3.
4. Banish cooking magazines. They are evil. I like looking at 'em, but like bridal magazines they set unrealistic expectations for women giving parties!
5. The smaller the crowd, the less stress.
Fancier meals--
Yesterday, we hosted our first official "fancy" dinner since we've been married...It was for 8 people. I kept from stressing by 1. having a back up plan, 2.buying the cake and bread (so i knew if all else failed, we'd have good cake and bread, 3.putting a SUPER easy appetizer out (cream cheese and jam), so even if the main dish was taking forever, people could eat something and drink 4. I made a mixed CD for myself with good in- the- kitchen songs, and started the cooking extremely early (like 3 hours earlier than I needed to) so that I could putter, talk on the phone, and drink wine while I cooked & take breaks)- I’m much less stressed if I have a ton of time and can putter. (4 1/2 because i started earlier I made everything I could early...I plated salads and put em in the fridge and made some salsa the night before, but look at the recipe and make sure you can prepare it ahead of time...)& 5. when guest came over and asked if they can help, i gave them a task...I mean, they asked, after all & I told them "I don't ususally do this sort of thing so if I forgot something major-like to set out forks or if something taste bad, just holler. really, my feelings won't be hurt" & they were happy to help . 6. It still didn't go perfectly. there wasn't room on the table for the potatoes and we had to put them on the coffee table and the asparagus on my desk! The Potatoes were okay, but I got the size of the recipe wrong so they didn't have as much of an herb coating as they were supposed to, so they were a bit boring. It doesn't matter though, a good time was had by all and a memory was made, and our friends are super loving and non-judgmental of the cooking, so if the potatoes end up having to be on the bookshelf or whatever...just go with it.
So I'm NO domestic goddess at all, but we had a good dinner and I only felt hectic for like 5 minutes of it (when everything was coming out of the oven). It helped me to remember that ultimately the party isn't about me and my cooking skills, so i can just relax and enjoy my friends...and if I freck the whole thing up, there is always indian